LIZZIE SMASH!

I have broken all the things. Not cleaned them. Broken them.

This was made using the cheezburger meme generator, which I found via knowyourmeme.com.
And I obviously totally adore hyperboleandahalf.com and the magnificent Allie Brosh, who drew the fantabulous original comic here and has also done alot of other funny things. Just scroll through the "Best of" comics on the right. And then the entire website. It will make you laugh. 

I don't know if moving country has given me a very precise list of what I own (there is a word, what is the word? Like manifest, but not for passengers, for stuff? Update: INVENTORY!!!! Yes! It has taken me an hour to remember "inventory"). Or if I just know exactly when I moved here, so I know that in the last 5 and a half weeks I have destroyed n things, where n is a distressingly large number...

Whatever the reason, I seem to be destroying my stuff at an unusually high rate. 

Here is the casualty list:

• New navy ribbon wellies (new) Over-zealous removal ripped the boot away from te sole, rendering them not even slightly waterproof. No longer suitable for Boston puddles
• Replacement navy wellies (different make, but also new!) have failed in the same way. This is something to do with how I wear/remove wellies isn't it? Or maybe the colour navy? Perhaps navy is a notoriously weak rubber? Fortunately I am left with one right and one left boot, so I still have a mismatched navy pair of wellies....
• iPod Touch is clearly about to join its 6(!) departed iPod brethren, as it can now only take 3Gb of music, instead of 64Gb of stuff it is meant to be able to hold. When the iPod is storing all of my music it becomes unable to play ANY music, suggesting a lack of iPod functionality that may be a sign of an impending complete failure. Maybe I will get the sad iPod face again, like when that one met the giant magnet in my handbag.
• Comforter (new) now stained and burnt. Firstly it met my leaky fabric softener (the one that leaked all over my dorm, leading to the headphone destruction). The leaky fabric softener left a stain on the beautiful turquoise side. So I decided to wash the oversized comforter. Error. Very bubbly/5ud5-y error. Then a scorchy error when I put it in the drier on the lowest setting (as per instructions!). It came out of the drier still stained from the fabric softener and now with some contrasting scorch marks. I am not a comforter person clearly. I am just too messy and comforters are impossible to clean, even in big dorm machines.
• iPhone headphones. I knelt on these when I was wiping up the leaky fabric softener from the first comforter disaster. The fabric softener had basically leaked all over the building, so I was kneeling in the elevator at the time of headphone destruction. They now have only one earbud, as the other was threatening to drop bits of plastic into my ear/brain.
• Laptop battery (but not the trackpad! Could have been worse. As the old battery broke it became all swollen and interfered with the trackpad so I thought I might have to replace both. Eep.)
• Laptop microphone connector. This is particularly annoying as my laptop fan is going crazy at the moment. Nobody can hear me on skype.
• Umbrella blew inside out on first day it was used here. Now the whole umbrella is kind of feeble. It will not collapse properly and has one broken spoke.
• Cold cup (new) I dropped it on first day I used it. Now a vase and an uninsulated cold cup.
• Cosy tights (new) now laddered, despite seeming so fleecy as to be magically unladderable. No letter from Hogwarts this year.
• 3 socks are MIA they were definitely part of pairs in January!
• 1 incredible glove with conducting fingertipps for iPod/phone use in the cold has been lost. Replacements are not as comfortable
• Pink earmuffs snapped as I was putting them on.
• Mascara just vanished
• Lip balm has also vanished
• 1 pink mitten glove, I even realised I had lost it nearly straightaway, but still couldn't find it!

Selected broken things. Note the pair of wellies which are not actually a pair.

Near misses:

• Buttons have come off both my kindle case and my coat, fortunately the buttons have all been recovered.
• Nearly left my half functioning headphones *and* case *and* cable winder in the supermarket after they fell off my keyring. Only saved by 3 people yelling at me and 1 chasing me.
• Water bottle left in gym. Fortunately still there the next day.
• 2 cardigans already need mending. I should not have brought clothes with me that I had already had to mend!

If you belonged to me you would be shaking in your boots, particularly if you were a pair of boots.....

LIZZIE SMASH! SMASH ALL THE THINGS!