Scooperbowl!

I had relatives visiting for the first week in June, which was super awesome! I got to do fun Boston things, learn about the city (because they had been on tours, and then reported their findings to me), and hang out with my family. One of the fun things I got to do, that I would never have noticed on my own, was go to the Scooperbowl!! You pay $10 and then enter a fenced off area with all you can eat ice cream! Yum!

You entered through a giant pink ice cream cone!

There were many different stands from different ice cream makers and you could just wander up and take which ever flavour took your fancy. There were even people wandering around offering chocolate sauce to go with your ice cream! I'm sure you're not surprised that I always picked the most brightly coloured and weird flavour at each stand. This was a mistake.

I ate:

• Espresso chip - the tastiest, because I hadn't yet adopted my "eat the blue one" policy. Not pictured, because I was too busy eating to take photos.
• Popping candy - did not pop. Was very blue, with a violet swirl. Tasted sugary. And wrong.
• Cotton candy - Very pink, with gritty rainbow choclate chips. At this point I was realising that the "choose the most colourful" policy didn't seem to be a particularly good one.
• Lemon poppyseed - this was a nice pale yellow, as befits a delicious ice cream that may have seen actual lemons (no blue ice cream available at this stand, thank goodness).
• Lunarmax cheesecake - a MIB3 tie in from Baskin Robbins (like the donut). It is green because the moon is made of green cheese (I am not kidding, this is what the ice cream lady said). However, the ice cream wasn't minty, or pistachio-y, it was just cheesecake flavoured. I was flagging by this point.
• Americone Dream - apparently I am not a fan of blueberry ice cream, even though this wasn't spectacularly blue.

A respectable SIX cups of ice cream. Totally worth $10.

The rest of my family made more sensible choices and generally had more delicious ice cream. The take home message, I think, is that you should almost always choose the ice cream that sounds tastiest, not just the most colourful.

I bet most of you realised this long before you were 28 and a half years old.

Confetti Cupcake Pop-Tarts: a terrible error

You might remember my previous Pop-Tart experience, but it is safe to say I have learnt nothing from that, as when I was in the grocery store the other day and noticed new Pop-Tarts then it was inevitable that I would buy them. Especially because they were covered in rainbow sprinkles. 

I present - Confetti cupcake flavour Pop-Tarts!

Confetti cakes, which are just white cakes with rainbow sprinkles in the cake and in the frosting, are fairly common here. You can get "Funfetti" mixes in the supermarket (I like the name and their rainbow-ness). They are highly colourful, but very mild in taste. So I figured it would just be a mild sweet flavour and I could totally polish off 8 Pop-Tarts. And how wrong I was.

The photos don't really explain the icky "birthday cake flavour". A lot of things are cake flavoured here, I have eaten birthday cake oreos (mint ones are far superior) and cake batter oreo ice cream from JP Licks (very batter-y in flavour and far superior to actual birthday cake oreos). However, these Pop-Tarts were a complete failure, filled with nasty cake-y flavour cream and bland sugary-ness. I swear I could feel my tongue drying out from all the sugar (like an osmosis thing?). So I took the bite that you can see in the top photo, broke a piece off for the second photo, then tried to make myself eat another bite, gave up and had a nice bowl of Weetabix (from Wholefoods, which also sells Nandos sauce! Joy!). One week later I accepted that I didn't want to eat any more cupcake Pop-Tarts and that I didn't know anyone who did. No more cupcake Pop-Tarts for me, I gave up and threw them out.

Shame I'm missing out on those eight vitamins and minerals. And all those weird colours. It would be nice to start each morning with a rainbow.

The Shamrock Shake does not rock my world

I cut this a little fine, as I bought my one and only mint flavoured Shamrock Shake from McDonalds on their last day of sale at 10pm. Even though I (sensibly as it turns out) got a small I still said yes to whipped cream and a cherry because you have to jump in with both feet. Brave explorer etc. So I signed up for an astonishing 500 calories of milkshake. The calorie count was not the only astonishing thing. It really was THAT GREEN. No fancy filters here. Just more luminous, green, enormously processed food for St. Patrick's day. As an aside, so much "St. Patty's Day" stuff, not St. Paddy's.... why?

You see how the shake is kind of stripey, that's because the shake machine squirts green liquid and then white milkshake and then green and then milkshake and so on. I couldn't find a way of surreptitiously taking a photo, but fortunately the history of the shake is preserved in its layers - stratigraphy! The layers are kind of runny though, particularly the green liquid stuff (ug, it all sounds so unappetising - how did I drink ANY?!). I have to admit that I wasn't excited about trying the shake, even before I saw the squirty machine and the layers, and afterwards, well.....

Unsurprisingly, even after mixing the shake remains really quite green.

For some reason, this is still quite layered......

It tasted very green. I mean, it was kind of minty, but it was mainly GREEN. It even tasted kind of familiar, probably like some luminous foodstuff from my eighties childhood, before such bright colours were frowned upon. I drank an inch or so of the shamrock shake over the course of about 45 minutes and then gave up. I even had a jetlagged visitor who I attempted to palm the rest off onto. She agreed that it tasted green and managed about two slurps before saying it was just too sugary. This was a person that hadn't sleep properly for over 24 hours and badly needed energy. So instead of Shamrock shakes we ate Chipotle chips and some nutritious, very green, but not luminous at all (fortunately) guacamole.

Alarmed face! A least the milkshake nearly matches my cardigan?

Shamrock shakes are a seasonal St. Patrick's day McDonalds thing, which were available nationwide for the first time in 2012. I imagine they were always available in Boston though. Unusually, for a luminous minty foodstuff, I do not recommend them. Sorry. With any luck they won't cross the pond.

PS Here is the official McDonalds Shamrock Shake page - but hurry, it'll be gone soon! I don't think I'll miss it.

St. Patrick's Day donuts

Good news everyone! The seasonal St. Patrick's donuts have appeared well before St. Patrick's Day, allowing me to have donuts last week! Yay! My particular favourite is the chocolate donut, with chocolate frosting and green sprinkles. The green sprinkles are mint flavoured, making it a chocolate mint donut! My ultimate donut surely! Actually, it isn't as tasty as the kreme filled, heart shaped donut - my one true donut love. 

You've got to eat your greens....

And just in case you think that the green donut is that green because of some kind of hipster instagram filter, allow me to show you a unmodified picture, with iced coffee for colour scale (you've got to have something for scale).

Have you seen Re-Animator? It's not far off being as bright as the day-glo re-animator fluid....

Luminous, eh? I feel I use the word luminous a lot in this country, particularly when talking about food. The other disturbing thing about the bright green donut is the fact it doesn't really have a flavour. The icing just tastes of sugar.

So I have obviously used up my seasonal donut allowance for March now. Sad face. However, I did learn something new in Dunkin' Donuts last week. Sprinkles here appear to also be known as "jimmies" (here is wikipedia proof!). I discovered this useful new word by eavesdropping on the man behind me in the queue asking for a donut with jimmies, and receiving one with sprinkles. New country = new language! Now I must find something with "jimmies" on, and try out the new word. Perhaps I do get to go to Dunkin' Donuts next week after all......

In other seasonal food news, McDonald's is doing a Shamrock Shake for March. It's very green and mint flavoured. A small one also has a staggering 540 calories. Don't worry. I'm on it. And I promise to go to the gym for an hour and a half afterwards. You can look forward to more brightly coloured photos of food in the future. Because I am the BRAVE EXPLORER! 

I'll adventure more soon - I promise.

Mac 'n' cheese, 3 minutes, $1

Here is how I made dinner. I couldn't be bothered to spend 12 minutes making real pasta. SPOILER ALERT! That wasn't an especially smart decision.

1. Buy pot of Kraft instant mac 'n' cheese from your local grocery store for $1 (normal price ~$1.50 - score!)

2. Stare at pot incredulously, do not read ingredients before attempting to eat. Feel happier because the pot has a smiley macaroni face on.

3. Peel off yellow lid. Fill pot with water up the line, microwave for 3 minutes.

4. Whilst microwaving, begin to feel anxious about nutritional value in dinner and chop up pepper and mushrooms for real food.

5. Take pot from microwave. Worry about amount of water left in pot.

6. Add luminous powder. Stir. Decide powder could have been more luminous. Try and relax.

7. Leave sauce to thicken (aka congeal) as per instructions on happy pasta pot.

Step by step instant mac 'n' cheese guide

8. Enjoy whilst hot. Do not allow to cool to tasting temperature under any circumstances!

9. Abandon mac 'n' cheese pot once it is no longer napalm hot. Eat backup veggies. Feel smug about not buying 10 pots of mac 'n' cheese, then remember that you were going to, but wise friend who happened to be accompanying you to superarket suggested caution (Thanks Ann!)

Furrowed brow says it all.

Total calories in one pot: 220 (probably only ate 150 though)

Number of yellow colours required: 3 (yellow 5, 6 and apocaratenol)

High fructose corn syrup? No, just regular corn syrup!

Forest destroying palm oil? Check!

Worst sounding ingredient: Medium chain triglycerides, which appear twice!

Review: Get the mac 'n' cheese soup from Au Bon Pain on the way home instead. No ingredients list, so could even be made with real cheese. Do not buy this again, Lizzie!

PS The Superbowl was very exciting, I'll talk about it in the future. Dinner malaise is apparently a generic Monday malaise. 

Hot fudge sundae ice cream shoppe pop tarts

I know that pictures of food bought in a supermarket and consumed in my room don't quite fit the premise of the blog, i.e. that blogging will force me to explore Boston. However, I propose that eating food which is so very colourful is a *type* of exploring. 

They contain 8 vitamins and minerals, so are clearly good for me. There's even a helpful graphic on the box drawing my attention to it, so it has to be a good fact. I find it really funny that they actually contain the same number of vitamins as the number of toaster pastries that you get in a packet. Even better, there are fewer vitamins and minerals in the pop tarts than there are added colours, of which there are 9 with names like Blue #2 Lake and one hopefully more natural one -  "Caramel Color". 

Let's look at what's actually in a pop tart in more detail.... I am worried I should have left this until I had finished the packet. The 8 vitamins and minerals (plus and one extra) that you get are (with RDA in brackets); Vitamin A (10%), Vitamin C (10%), Calcium (10%), Iron (10%), Thiamin (10%), Riboflavin (10%), Niacin (10%), Vitamin B6 (10%), and Folic acid (10%). Why are they all at 10%? What are the chances? Is it a rounding thing? Does the nutritional information just have to show everything to the nearest 10%? Also, note the swooshy white thing in the picture saying a pop tart is a good source of calcium. I find this surprising, as even if you eat 2 pop tarts for breakfast you only get 20% of your calcium. At least you also get 20% of your calorie allowance too, so you're not out of balance. In fact, if you only ate pop tarts for those 2000 calories you would get 100% of the previously listed vitamins and minerals! And 100% of your saturated fat allowance! You'd also need to buy another packet of pop tarts as they only contain 8 "toaster pastries". 

I sensibly only ate one of the crazy pop tarts. Although I did eat it for pudding and not for breakfast, so I probably lose some health points there (maybe lose some *more* health points, as I must already be down for just consuming pop tarts). Once it was out of the packet it was clear why there were so many colours on the ingredients list. 

I mean, look at the sprinkles! So neon. It was impossible to really take a picture of the insides, but they were pleasingly filled with a mild vanilla-ry cream like substance (probably a kreme) and not some kind of rainbow explosion. I am relieved that my dental insurance card has come now, because even though I don't intend to buy any more pop tarts I feel that 16 of these guys might do some damage. Strangely the box doesn't announce that 12g of sugar is 30% of my maximum sugar allowance. At least they have 10% of my daily calcium in them though, to fight the tooth decay.

Does instagram make it more palatable? You can pretend the colour comes from a hipster filter...

I mean, good grief! I must never eat pop tarts without also drinking a glass of milk and brushing my teeth sharpish. 

I wonder how long the packet will last? What do you think? 

As a guide, the Lucky Charms are now all gone, so pop tarts are the sweetest breakfast foodstuff available. But they are also a bit too sweet. And a bit nasty.

P.S. Do you like the way the MacBook makes a pretty pop tart background? It owes me after being so expensive this week. Stupid new battery.  

P.P.S. Soft kitty! Homesick is a type of being sick.